I think their very silence was enough to tell me. My parents didn't "say" bad things. They ignored them. By pretending "dirt" didn't exist, they kept their world "clean and pure". I knew I didn't belong in their "clean and pure" world. Never would. Silence is not always golden, is it?

don

My parents always seemed to be supportive, especially since I have a gay cousin, with whom my dad is really close. But as time went on, I realized that they don't mind it, however, they believe it's a sin punishable by hell.

OK I'll bite. I was probably 10 or so when I first heard the term homosexual - on TV. My parents were dismayed that the word was said, and of course I had to know what it meant. They tried not to tell me, then said it's when two men or two women date or marry each other. My reaction - an excited "you mean you can do that?!" The folks promptly left the room - they could handle no more.
As I grew up I learned that if I was gay then I was damned to hell. Didn't folks used to think that being left-handed was an abomination? Reckon I'm "guilty" of that too.

So many abominations, so little time :-)
Were you raised in Alabama?

I think the first time I heard my parents say something one way or another was when my dad, my younger brother and I were in the car. I believe my dad was saying something about gay people and my brother asked if my dad felt uncomfortable or something along those lines. My dad's response was "Just cause he's gay doesn't mean he's going to hit on me. I'm straight and I don't hit on every woman I see, so why is it any different?"

The response (if not the setup) always stuck with me and is probably why I came out to my parents so soon after "coming out to myself" I guess you could say.

well you had some of them "yankee liberal" parents. I wish I had. Though if i had your parents it would certainly make our current relationship a bit awkward..

My mother died way before I considered that I might be gay (although I knew I was different) but my dad never said anything anti-gay, and as I brought gay friends around he was always supportive and friendly. I regret, strongly regret, that I never told him that I was gay before he died. I truly believe that both he and my mother would have been OK with it. I will take that a step further. I think my mother knew, before she died. Mothers always seem to know.

I think you're right, Joe. Mothers and maybe even grandmothers always seem to know.

I agree with that competely, although I think dads could know as well, if they were around or knew which signals to pick up on.

The first time I thought about parents approval, or lack of it, was at breakfast one morning when I was about 10. Somehow the conversation was about jobs that men were good at and jobs that women were good at. We were all rattling off jobs that men could do or would be good at: chef, mechanic, etc when my dad said "well, men make the best lovers"! We all started laughing and going "wooooo!" and dad got embarrassed at what he said, got mad, and out of the blue said "no son of mine will ever be a homo". The laughing stopped and the conversation was abruptly over. I knew that I was gay even at that age, but did not come out to him "officially" till I was nearly 30.

What happened when you did tell them?

He asked me if I had told my brother and his wife. I said no, and he "ordered" me to keep it that way, because "then her family would all know, and none of them could keep a secret". That has been about 16 years ago, and about 5 years ago he (possibly with the help of my mother) did a complete turn-around. Now both of my parents, and my brother and his family, have all come to embrace me and my partner of 20 years.

Wow, that's awesome!

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Quick Note: If you register with IntenseDebate, your comments will be approved automatically. I didn't expect so many comments, I'm glad ya'll are reading! Also, you can vote on each other's comments :-)

My parents/mom to be exact- believed she had she god-given right to snoop into the lives of all of her children(and their friends). I had received a letter at her house from a guy I met in London. Of course she opened it and found out. After a 2 hr screaming session she then slashed the tires of my car. Now this was not a ignorant red neck women,just a little mad. When my dad got home to this disaster he promptly left to come back a week later. 40 years later she managed to say she was sorry the nite before she died.

My parents, mostly my mother, always have had mixed reactions about the LGBT community. They wouldn't often talk about it, but I had noticed that when my mom did, she always used the 'bad' terms, aka queer, faggot.

As for my dad, I could never tell. He's always been the more liberal of the two, but he was also raised in a heavily catholic family.my mom was reminding me how my sisters dressed me up as a girl when I was 10. This I remembered, what I didn't remember was that my father actually got angry and made me take off the dress. She continued by telling me "Oh, he probably was scared it might turn you gay".

This scared the crap out of me. though I had many fears, I also knew that they told me they'd support me with what ever decision I took. So a few months after the latter story I came out. Both are fully fine with it. They both, funnily enough, have been a lot more careful with the terms they use around me now.

Marc

They threw me out at 19 but celebrated my wedding in Spain at 50. Times change people change. (I say that to any young people upset by their parents' responses)