Archive for the ‘Huh?’ Category

Quote of the Day

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

From a clueless citizen on an al.com story about the JeffCo layoffs:

Let the County go bankrupt – Do not bail out these theives [sic]!

I live in Jefferson County (Hoover) and cannot state one thing that County employees do for me – I’ll order my tag via the internet.

NO BAIL OUT FOR JEFF CO – LET BETTYE FINE AND THE REST OF THE THEIVES [sic] ROT – DON’T GIVE THEM A PENNY!

Because we all know that “the internet” can send tag renewal notices, process payments, and mail out new tags  — all by itself.

*sigh*

Really?

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

I get some funny ads that pop up on my AT&T home page.  Today’s is just too much:

Birmingham MOMS: Follow 1 Rule, Lose Weight!
I Lost 47 lbs of Belly Fat In A Month By Following This 1 Old Rule…

followed of course by a link to…something.  I didn’t bother to find out.  I’m too busy trying to figure out how one weighs belly fat.  And how much weight one would have to lose overall in order to lose 47 lbs of Belly Fat.  And how one could do that in one month short of dying and decomposing to nothing but skeletal remains.  Not to mention why anyone would fall for such an obvious scam.

Clearly I need to find something else to do.  :)

Psychiatrist, Treat Thyself

Wednesday, October 10th, 2007

Hugh Cort, a psychiatrist who lives in Mountain Brook, is running for President. And he’s convinced he’ll win, not only the Republican nomination, but the general election. Hugh Cort. Who’s that, you ask? So does Mike Hubbard, chair of the Alabama Republican party.

“Hugh Cort? Can’t say I know him,” said Mike Hubbard, chairman of the Alabama Republican Party.

Told that Cort is seeking the GOP nomination for president and is from Mountain Brook, Hubbard’s synapses connected.

“Oh yeah. I remember now,” Hubbard said. “He introduced himself when (Dick) Cheney was in Birmingham in April for the (Jeff) Session’s fundraiser. I remember he told me he was running for president and I asked, president of what? He said `president’ and I said, again, president of what. When he said the United States, I guess I must have looked a little odd and said, `America?’ Is he really doing that?”

But Cort has no time for doubters, even doubters who’ve never heard of him.

“I disagree,” Cort said when told that most would not consider him a serious candidate for the nation’s highest office. “I have campaigned in places like Iowa, Texas, Rhode Island and South Carolina, where I paid $35,000 out of my own pocket to get on the ballot. I am a serious candidate and I will win because I am the only candidate who will protect America.”

Here’s how he’s planning to “protect” us: bomb Iran and Syria, send a quarter of a million more troops into Iraq, issue an executive order that will immediately end all abortion, push a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, and build a wall between the US and Mexico to keep out the illegal immigrants that he says are committing millions of violent crimes.

Oh, and he’s also a self-proclaimed counterterrorism expert who is the only one capable of saving us from all the suitcase nukes that Osama bin Laden has smuggled into the US. Through tunnels. From Mexico.

Come to think of it, the only reason this guy sounds any crazier than, say, Rudy Giuliani, is that he thinks he’ll get elected when he isn’t even on the ballot in his home state. Otherwise, he’s just a conglomeration of the worst impulses of all the real Republican candidates.

Awesome!

Thursday, June 14th, 2007

Try to follow the logic of this passage from Camille Paglia’s latest Salon column if you have unaltered brain cells:

As a global warming agnostic, I dislike the way that Gore’s preachy, apocalyptic fundamentalism has fomented an atmosphere of hysteria around this issue and potentially compromised the long-term credibility of environmentalism….

My own philosophy about earth’s titanic, humanity-dwarfing operations is contained in a curious video I recently found on YouTube.com. Clips of volcanic eruptions and magma flows are set to the abstract “psychedelic” music of a California rock group, the Danbury Shakes. This eerie fusion of lurid natural images with a distorted, clashing soundscape is richly evocative of a 1960s vision that has been lost. The ’60s revolution, as I’ve argued elsewhere, was about much more than politics. Fanaticism about global warming reduces the eternal terrors of nature to a banal political melodrama.

Yeah! Volcanos erupt, therefore global warming can’t really be a big problem — the connection is just so obvious! The whole planet can’t possibly be getting warmer because people in Pompeii were, like, sealed in magma, man! Volcanoes are, like, so cosmic. Did I tell you my aunt Camille knew a guy who knew a guy who used to buy blotter from Owsley?

Duuuude! Look at your hands! No, I’m serious, dude — have you ever really looked at your hands?

(Edited version of an overly long post at No More Mister Nice Blog.)

Your Daily Dose of Crazy

Wednesday, May 16th, 2007

Fred Phelps and his kooky family, um, that is, the Westboro Baptist Church, have announced that they will picket Jerry Falwell’s funeral.  Because — wait for it — Falwell was a “fag-enabler”.  And an Arminian.  Yeah, I had to look it up, too, and I’m at least nominally Methodist.

Go read the whole rant.  Don’t worry, the link above is not to a Phelps site.  Melissa and Pam have the story, too.  Check ‘em all out and then please, please come back here and explain to all of us how Falwell helped to create the “Satanic Sodomite Zeitgeist”, whatever the hell that is.  Extra points for humor and originality.

What?

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007

A Wisconsin gas station owner has been told by the state that he can no longer offer discounts to senior citizens and sports boosters.

But the state Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection says those deals are too good: They violate Wisconsin’s Unfair Sales Act, which requires stations to sell gas for about 9.2 percent more than the wholesale price.

[BP station owner Raj] Bhandari said he received a letter from the state auditor in late April saying the state would sue him if he did not raise his prices. The state could penalize him for each discounted gallon he sold, with the fine determined by a judge.

Well.  Alrighty then.  BP’s second-quarter profit was $7.27 billion, an increase of 30% over last year.  Exactly why do states need to set floors on gas prices?

Does Anyone Else Find This Strange?

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007

Why on earth would Coosa Mountain need a gated community?

Red-Headed Stepchildren?

Wednesday, April 18th, 2007

“[Fill in the blank] treated me like a red-headed stepchild.”  I’ve never understood that expression — for one thing, I love red hair, for another, I have a stepchild, and she’s wonderful.  But it’s the first thing that came to mind when I read this article.  It seems Beijing’s transport management bureau has issued some self-improvement guidelines for cabbies as part of the preparation for the 2008 summer Olympics.  You can imagine: don’t smoke, don’t spit, be polite, and — huh? — no red hair for the women.

The article doesn’t specify whether the guidelines refer to really red or a nice auburn, and it doesn’t say why red hair is supposed to be so offensive.  Can anyone explain to me why this would be an issue?