Or whatever we used to say when we were kids. Mac’s post informing us that, while Mississippi is the very fattest state, Alabama is closing on them fast, reminded me that I got an email from “City of Mobile” this afternoon urging me to consider auditioning for NBC’s reality show, “The Biggest Loser.” I reproduce most of it here for your edification:
Casting producers are looking for outgoing and charismatic family teams of two, especially those who have the personality, desire and competitive edge to vie for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to lose weight, change their lives forever and compete for a grand prize of $250,000. Individuals who don’t have a partner can audition on their own. Candidates must be at least 18 years of age and legal residents of the United States.
“This is an awesome opportunity to spotlight Mobile as well as give our citizens an opportunity to transition into a healthy lifestyle,” said Mayor Sam Jones. “Alabama has one of the highest obesity rates in the nation. We encourage as many people as possible to take advantage of the opportunities that this national show brings to Mobile.”
Candidates should bring a non-returnable photo of them and their partner.
Okay, so after I got over the mental picture of a bloated Bart Simpson proudly telling reporters, “I warsh mahself with a rag on a stick,” I thought seriously about this. I mean, yes Sam, we all want a healthier lifestyle. But should we really be falling all over ourselves to put our most corpulent, albeit charismatic, citizens on national TV to spotlight Mobile??? Isn’t there at least a chance that some of the show will, um, put our city in a bad light? Okay, so maybe we aren’t the only place in the US that sells deep-fried Snickers bars at the annual fair, but still. That article Mac linked to sure makes it sound like our fattest folks might just be the fattest folks anywhere. Except, of course, for… now y’all say it with me: “Thank God for Mississiippi!”