I just can’t help myself

…and this is a society and glamour blog, after all.

Ladies: when you are selecting attire for a funeral, use a little judgement. Just because a dress is black does not mean it is the one you should put on. Some black dresses say “mourning,” and others say “let’s drink dry martinis and then have sex afterwards in your penthouse apartment.” Listen carefully to hear what your dress is trying to say.

Yes, the breast can remind us of life and renewal, and yours are very perky and attractive. But for God’s sake, cover up! Plus, if they crank up the AC, which they very well might because Father has to wear all those heavy robes and he’s the one who controls the thermostat, you’re gonna be chilly.

And while you’re at it, lose the four-inch heels, too.

Thank you. That is all.

12 Responses to “I just can’t help myself”

  1. Kathy says:

    Some black dresses say “mourning,” and others say “let’s drink dry martinis and then have sex afterwards in your penthouse apartment.” Listen carefully to hear what your dress is trying to say.

    *snerk*

    You owe me a new keyboard.

  2. Susan F says:

    I hear you. I think that there is a crisis in America that is going unrecognized. There is obviously a shortage of mirrors in America. If people were only able to look at themselves before they leave the house . . . I go to the mall or anywhere where people congregate and see the “muffin tops” — rolls of fat hanging over the waistband of jeans . . .and I’m not making fun of fat people! I am fat!! I just cover it up when I’m in public . . . yes I believe your glamour blog should address the obvious shortage of mirrors in our country . . . I’m not sure what we can do about the loss of sense though.

  3. anneglamore says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    My friends and I have “the funeral suit” we pass around. When your parent dies you wear it, then give it back. It prevents the issue of never wearing something again because you wore it to your mom’s funeral.

    THAT’S what friends are for.

  4. Renee says:

    Changing the subject slightly, but since this is a glamour/society blog, I need to ask:

    Can I wear black to a wedding? An evening wedding. The dress says neither, “mourning” nor “let’s drink dry martinis and then have sex afterwards in your penthouse apartment”, but rather, “I’m a middle-aged, but hip chick with a glass of pinot blanc.” Haven’t been to a wedding in YEARS, and I’m second guessing the dress.

    Please respond quickly, Miss Manners.

  5. Del says:

    I know the answer is supposed to be “absolutely not” but since the recent fad of dressing all the bridesmaids in black (has that gone away now? Let’s hope so) I would have to say “yes, especially if you wear a colorful scarf or something else to zip it up a little.” Especially evening weddings. I can practically guarantee you won’t be the only one there in black.

    I still draw the line at mothers of the wedding couple in black, though. You can convey the same message if you practice your sad, brave receiving-line smile in the mirror ahead of time.

    Gee, am I now the self-appointed etiquette guide for the Blues? Oh, good. There are all kinds of things I want to complain about.

  6. Andy says:

    A hat can be a perfect complement to a wedding or a funeral outfit. But be sure it doesn’t have too many feathers, and leave the tiaras at home.

  7. Kathy says:

    Andy, :lol: !

    I need to get a shot of my Pick-a-Little woman hat and post it here. It’s, um, lovely. Yep, that’s the word — lovely.

  8. Bill says:

    “Gee, am I now the self-appointed etiquette guide for the Blues?”

    All hail the Queen!

  9. joy steele says:

    I think that hat is an absolutely magnificent conconction (of what all, I don’t know . . .)! Although I do believe it would decidedly detract all attention from the bride (a no-no) or the deceased. Yes, I think you’re going to be hot in that!!

  10. Jennifer says:

    You forgot to mention the obvious physiologic response that takes place in a woman in a sexy black dress when the AC is turned up high….HEADLIGHTS!!! Nothing is tackier at a funeral than porno titties!!!

  11. Nancy says:

    The old Southern tradition for the mother of the groom — wear beige and keep your mouth shut. My MIL did neither. Imagine.

  12. Del says:

    Oh, Nancy. I feel your pain.

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