Save Our Schools!
Or the longer version of the Alabama Legislator’s Lament: We don’t have adequate revenue to fund public schools and services (mostly the latter — the general fund budget regularly sucks wind), but I don’t dare ask the people who give me campaign contributions my constituents to pony up, even though they’ll be squawking and moaning when they need those schools and services, because I might not be re-elected.
Del’s comment at my post on the dangerous-dog amendment reminded me of a couple other proposals I meant to highlight. Says Del:
OMG, I think you’ve hit upon the salvation for our schools. A pit bull tax! Better yet, make dog fighting legal and tax it! Fighting cocks too! Sure, it’s unpleasant, but it’s FTC (For The Children).
I must call my local school board representative right away.
Oh, Del, if you only knew. And now you will.
Back in January, my local PTA partnered with another local PTA to sponsor a legislative forum featuring our state Senators and Representatives. PTA presidents and legislative representatives joined school administrators to ask questions about the upcoming legislative session and how our elected officials planned to address expected budget shortfalls (among other things).
Rep. Jack Williams patiently explained to all of us that, although it is nigh impossible to find new sources of revenue, he had come up with two brilliant proposals.
The first? A 30% tax on porn purchases, which, he assured us, probably wouldn’t affect anyone in the audience. Uh huh. He didn’t appreciate the snickers and rolled eyes.
The second? A requirement that crack dealers buy a tax stamp or face additional penalties when they’re busted for doing that illegal thing they do. He assured us that the state could set up an anonymous online purchase point and rake in millions. He touted Tennessee’s success — but then mentioned, as an afterthought, that Tennessee’s statute has been ruled unconstitutional. Zuh?
No problem! We can pass our own law anyway and collect the fees until someone sues the state. Then Troy King can spend those millions fighting the lawsuit all the way to the Supreme Court. Just like the sex toy ban.
Given the response from his audience, you’d think Rep. Williams might have reconsidered. Apparently not.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you HB153 (which includes a tax on phone sex) and HB 147.
April 4th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
By Gawd, you cannot tax my porn. Now crack, well you know THOSE people use that stuff. You can tax that.
Sweet Jesus, please transport me from this alternate universe in which I dwell.
April 4th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Bill, your comment got caught in moderation, which reminds me that I can now expect an avalanche of new porn spam.
April 4th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
I am remembering a passage from Florence King’s immortal work, Southern Ladies and Gentlemen. A Yankee sociologist visits Dixie:
The man invited him to join the group at the bar. Latham himself soon felt awash in beer, but there was nothing else to drink unless he wanted to drive thirty miles to a “wet” county. Wet? He was already beer-logged enough to sink the Titanic simply by stepping on board; what could be wetter? But no, his companions said, this was a “dry” county. It all had to do with something called “local option,” which meant, they explained, that anybody can do as he damn well pleases as long as an election is held first.
…
Before long, they were waxing nostalgic about the good old days, when there had been no hard liquor at all and their beloved state had been empowered to collect a Black Market Tax from the bootleggers.
“A what?” Latham asked.
“Why, shore. Used to be, there weren’t no legal hooch a-tall, so the bootleggers was makin’ all this money, see? Waal, you got to have tax money to run a state, so the legislature passed the Black Market Tax on hooch so the state could git tax money from the bootleggers.”
“You mean it was actually on the statute books?”
“‘Course it was,” said Latham’s informant. “You got to make it legal.”
“But the legislature had also passed a law saying liquor was illegal!”
“Thass right. They had to please the Baptists,” said the man, with a shrug that seemed to say he had now made everything clear.
Latham persisted.
“Didn’t the Baptists object to the passage of the Black Market Tax?”
The men seemed too surprised to speak for a second, but then one of them explained.
“Waal, don’tcha see? The Baptists and the bootleggers have always been hand in glove ’round here. Neither of ‘em wanted anybody to drink legal hooch. It was bad for both their businesses, you might say. They was both afraid this state would go legally wet, so they got together and pushed this bill through the legislature.”
Latham shook his head in disbelief.
“Didn’t anybody feel a sense of…of conflict?” he finally asked.
“Waal, I reckon the legislator who was both a bootlegger and a Baptist deacon had a right good laugh when he collected bribes from both sides.”
Until this moment, I thought Ms. King was exercising hyperbole.
April 5th, 2008 at 9:28 am
The more things change…
Del, that’s perfect.
April 5th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Del gets the comment of the week!