Confessions of a Sodomite

I was reading through the comments and one particularly vitriolic commenter called Birmingham Blues a “Sodomite Website”.

I was almost amused as I haven’t heard people refer to gays as sodomites in a long time. Reminds me of a sign I saw once “I am NOT a sodomite, I was born in Alabama!”

People who refer to the GLBT community as Sodomites really surprise me. I feel like I should document their existence for a museum somewhere. They could fit right beside the fairy exhibit. Actually, no, they wouldn’t like to be next to fairys.
I don’t understand something.. If God destroyed both Sodom AND Gommorah, why aren’t we called Gammorites? And when Lot’s Wife turned around and then **POOF** turned into a pillar of salt… why salt? why not pepper? or Sugar? I mean, if God doesnt like Sugar, he could have turned her into a pillar of Splenda!

And what’s with the fire AND Brimstone? Does God have an organizational problem up there? He cant keep his fire and brimstone separate, so he just hurls them down together? you never see God just throw brimstone. Though, come to think of it, the tire company “Firestone” might have been better off with Brimstone..

“Nice tires Bob!”
“Thanks, Tom. I got a brand new set of Brimstone tires on sale!”

Well just remember, you homophobe, the next time you put salt on your fried green steel magnolias… You just got a little sodomite in you.

-Zach (The Sodomite)

25 Responses to “Confessions of a Sodomite”

  1. chris says:

    I really had no idea what brimstone was, so I went to Wikipedia (where else?) and found this:

    Sulfur (Sanskrit, sulvari; Latin sulfur or sulpur) was known in ancient times, and is referred to in the Biblical Pentateuch (Genesis). The word itself probably is from the Arabic sufra meaning yellow, from the bright color of the naturally occurring form, although the Sanskrit name for sulfur, sulvari could also be interpreted as meaning “enemy of copper”.[citation needed]

    English translations of the Bible commonly refer to sulfur as “brimstone”, giving rise to the name of ‘Fire and brimstone’ sermons, in which listeners are reminded of the fate of eternal damnation that awaits the nonbelieving and unrepented. It is from this part of the Bible that Hell is implied to “smell of sulfur”, although as mentioned above sulfur is in fact odorless. The “smell of sulfur” usually refers to the odor of hydrogen sulfide, e.g. from rotten eggs. Burning sulfur produces sulfur dioxide, the smell associated with burnt matches.

    so I guess the deal is that brimstone aka sulfer has to be combined with fire to be stinky, thus the fire ‘n brimstone stuff.

    the whole story of Lot & his family is more than a little weird.

  2. Lane says:

    Speaking as a similarly situated Gammorite/Alabamian (i.e. confused with all of the brimstone-slinging), I say, “Nice soliloquy, Zach!”

    I always enjoy Aunt Kathy, but her absence is just as enjoyable for your point of view.


  3. ALmod says:

    Great work, chris. You officially know more than the average Christian. Most of them, if you ask, will actually tell you that brimstone is “flaming rock.” I’m not kidding, either. It scares me that they don’t ask these questions.

    The story about Lot and his family actually has more to do with mercy and hope than judgement and damnation. People forget that so easily. God promised to spare the entire city of Sodom if he could find just one righteous person within the city. Even then, he allowed a way out for Lot and his family, not allowing them to be destroyed with the city. Just my take.

    Zach, you should warn me before you write stuff like this. You nearly made me do a spit take on my keyboard.

    By the way, the very same person has struck again. I’m not going to say that she’s thick headed, but she actually wrote the following:

    “Zach, I didn’t mean this blog was a sodomite blog. But it is hosted on a sodomite website, Queer Voice.”

    Then she had the gall to follow up with a “no offense.”

    I’m seriously holding back… REALLY restraining myself… REALLY, REALLY restraining myself… If we remove the warning labels, do you think she’d take care of herself?

  4. Baudrillard says:

    “The story about Lot and his family actually has more to do with mercy and hope than judgement and damnation.”

    The full story reveals the irony in the conservative’s use of the story as emblematic of God’s judgment and disgust for the “sins of the flesh.” After Lot and his family fled the two cities, and Lot’s wife turned to a pillar of salt, Lot and his two daughters hid out in a cave, thinking that God had destroyed the world. The older of the daughters convinced the younger that they would never enjoy the pleasures of the flesh, as all the men had been destroyed. Together, they conspired to get Lot drunk with wine and to learn from him the depths of his “carnal knowledge.” Sure enough, it worked, and little sis enjoyed it so much, she got her fill twice.

    I’d bet if the conservs read the entire story, they wouldn’t be so quick to judge, now would they? After all, the two cities were destroyed for their indulgence in the “sins of the flesh,” but what became of the chosen few? Oh, they got drunk and screwed — keeping it all in the family.

  5. Kathy says:

    Yep, Baudrillard, and that was after Lot offered to send his virgin daughters out to be “initiated” by the townspeople. Wonder why we never hear about that, either?

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