Ted Haggard Now “Completely Heterosexual”
Gay men everywhere can relax, knowing they no longer have to worry about being propositioned by Pastor Ted. After his stint in “therapy”, he considers himself totally cured of Teh Gay. The gay sex can be overlooked, since he only ran around on his wife with one guy. I guess that means he wouldn’t be considered an adulterer if he’d only cheated on her with one other woman.
Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in today’s edition.
”He is completely heterosexual,” Ralph said. “That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn’t a constant thing.”
Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard while investigating his claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary.
Ted, let me explain something. I consider myself completely heterosexual, and I’ve never felt the need to “act out” with another woman, not even while high on meth*. If I had, I wouldn’t be completely heterosexual.
It seems Ted’s “counselors” have advised him and his family to get out of town, claiming it would be easier for them to heal elsewhere. I can’t argue with them — Colorado Springs is anti-gay central. Ted and his wife have announced that they plan to pursue master’s degrees in psychology. I wonder how long the denial will last once they’re exposed to legitimate self-examination and therapy techniques.
*Okay, okay. I guess I can’t make any absolute claims to heterosexuality since I’ve never actually been high on meth.
Hat tip, Blues reader Tony, who says he expects we’ll be hearing about Pastor Ted again. I expect he’s right.
February 6th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
I guess he can call his therapy, “Scared Straight” …. until he is caught again…. then it will be the drugs made him do it. And how embarassing for his children, we are having to move to another state cause dad had sex with a man.
February 6th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Sigh.
February 6th, 2007 at 5:38 pm
wait a minute. i thought the official party line was that all gay people are really totally heterosexual. which means ralphy just told us that haggard is gay just like all the other gay folks are gay.
February 6th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Well in their defense Wheeler, I think they are saying that Haggard isn’t gay, just like all the other gay folks aren’t really gay. They’re all of them choosing to sin. Please do not believe for one minute that I think this way. I’m just trying to follow their logic.
February 6th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
…or, if you believe homosexuality is a disease, then Ted is cured! Allelujah and amen, it’s a miracle.
February 7th, 2007 at 6:49 am
I want more information on the “acting out” scenarios; did the therapist pretend to be a gay prostitute and do a hoochie dance in front of Ted? No boner = not gay???
February 7th, 2007 at 10:37 am
This would be really funny if it wasn’t so damn scary. Who can believe people really believe any concept so insane?
Why can’t we just allow people to be who they are and be happy?
February 7th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
Wow! I had you pegged as a total meth addict.
Guess you can be fooled by someone’s online persona.
February 7th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
I did meth once. It made me really crabby, and definitely not gay.
February 7th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
“I did meth once. It made me really crabby, and definitely not gay.”
Social worker daughter tells me meth is sometimes the drug of choice for suburban moms who want to keep up with the job, the kids’ activities, the housework, and the volunteer activities — all the while maintaining their cute little figures. If that’s what it takes, I’ll choose to be a fat slob any day.
“Guess you can be fooled by someone’s online persona.”
Totally. I’m really a right-wing, gay-hating Republican. And a guy.
February 7th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
If you’re a guy, does that mean I’m gay? Guess I better head to Colorado Springs……
February 10th, 2007 at 12:22 am
Why are christians so obsessed with sex,sexuality,gender and genitals…don’t these holier than thou bozos have anything better to worry about. Dont they know there are millions of children going to bed hungry everynight, millions dying from hunger and poverty , there is war and famine, environmental disaster in the making, overpopulation, new diseases and catastrophe threatening humanity and all they worry about is whether one is straight or gay or bi? Are this people for real .
They cannot even practise the most important commandment of Jesus which is to love GOd with all your heart and immediately to love your neighbour ( irregardless of their sexuality)as Yourself. It seems that Evangelicals and their ilk are mere show-business ‘christians’ whose core concept of morality seems to center around sex,gender and genitals LOL. To them is suppose it is preferable to be a heterosexual drug dealer than to be a homosexual philanthropist…..such is their twisted sense of morality.
Anjo
child of the Cosmos
February 10th, 2007 at 8:32 am
Anjo, thanks for your comment. I understand your anger completely. Please know that there are plenty of Christians out here — quite a few at this very blog — who share your passion and want to bring our faith back to what we believe it was always supposed to be, love of God and neighbor.
March 2nd, 2007 at 6:24 am
regarding:
”
why are christians so obsessed with sex, gender and genitals.. it seems that blaming gays and lesbians is like almost a passtime and obsession for many christians. Don’t they every worry about the real problems of the world, like hunger, poverty, war, disease , famine? ”
o.k. i should further elaborate :
The bible is replete with admonishment about the sins of heterosexual..in fact in old testamental times fornication and adultery was punishable by death…maybe we should reinstitute the death penalty for straight adulterers and fornicators — hmmm stoning seems like an exciting sport - just ask the muslims where stoning of adulterers is still a rather exciting public entertainment ( i think i’m gonna throw up ).
christians used to demonize jews for centuries as jesus-killers and this embolden many ordinary germans to persecute jews leading to the holocaust. Similarly centuries of demonizing and denigration of gays and lesbians and sexual minorities have embolden otherwise morally bankrupt heterosexuals to discriminate and do violence to sexual minorities. This has got to stop. Christians are deluding themselves, if they really want to obey Christ then love God with all yr heart and immediately love your neighbour as yourself ..be they gay or straight. If you cannot practise this most important of all the commandments then you have no business declaring yourself a christian irregardless of how big your church or your choir or your coffer may be !
Oh..by the way Jesus said to the rich man..give up all your worldly goods and follow me! Did i hear any ‘christians’ dare to say AMEN LOL LOL LOL
Mikhail - a child of the intelligent Universe