The Judicial Council of the United Methodist Church has defrocked a woman who was called by God to the ministry, upheld a pastor’s right to refuse membership to a gay man, and stifled dissent by voiding a statement by Methodists in the Pacific Northwest that people of faith hold differing opinions regarding sexual orientation and practice. I am still trying to process the grief I feel. I have been a Methodist since shortly after birth, when I was christened in the First Methodist Church of Griffin, Georgia. I took the obligatory few years off during college, grad school, and the first couple of jobs, but found my way back midway through my twenties. I have been active in my local church for the past twenty years. My husband and I were married there, and we had two babies baptized there. My stepdaughter worked there while she was in college and even moved her membership from her beloved Episcopal church. I have served on committees, taught Sunday School, sung in and directed choirs, gone to lots of United Methodist Women meetings, and done what I could to advance the ideal of social justice. I have at times exhausted myself hammering my head against the wall of apathy, of unacknowledged prejudice, of “we’ve always done it this way”.
And now I find myself in a dilemma. The church has made me angry before. The church has disappointed me. The church has failed me and others. But I always thought there was the possibility of change, of progress, of transformation. My congregation has loved me and infuriated me and taken care of me and my family. My children have run the halls of our church since they were babies, and they think of it as a second home. I don’t want to leave it, but I don’t see an alternative.
I can’t be part of a denomination that would deny my own brother membership because he doesn’t believe his sexual orientation is sinful. I can’t be part of a denomination with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy for clergy. And I certainly can’t be part of a denomination that has so perverted the ideals of its founder that the quadrilateral authority of scripture, reason, tradition, and experience has been usurped by a Judicial Council that won’t allow us to think for ourselves.
So I must make a painful decision. Do I leave and let my family stay where they are known and loved, or do I insist that we all find a church that truly does have the open hearts, open minds, and open doors that the United Methodist Church claims? Or do I decide to try one more time, two more times, a thousand more times to work for change from within? What does it take to open those hearts and minds that would close our doors and limit the love of God to those they find acceptable? I confess that at this point I have no idea.